Labyrinth (1986)

9.0/10

I am so accustomed to David Bowie as a globe-crotched Goblin King, kidnapping a 13-year-old girl that he is in love with… (and her toddler brother)… that I never took the time to notice how fucked up that premise actually is… The reason why it works is because it’s entirely 13-year-old wish fulfilment that’s nucleated around objects in Sarah’s room, a naïve dream-collage. Jareth’s motives for loving Sarah are never examined at all… and it works because Sarah doesn’t understand romantic love – she has only heard of it and sees it in plays/movies. Jareth is her 1-dimensional, 13-year-old rendering of what a love interest would be. Somehow, it really works.

The Hoggle/Jareth dynamic got a little tiresome (I really wish they had articulated the bottoms of Hoggle’s eyes). It was unsurprising to learn that JK Rowling stole the name Hogwart. The pacing lagged in Act 3, The Chilly-down music video was a bit contrived/forced, and Sir Didymus felt like extra baggage. But, oh yeah, the soundtrack forever rocks… some of the best Bowie of the era (Underground being the stand-out).

There are almost no themes here at all (besides “protect your baby brother”), but this is a timeless, earnest, pitch-perfect, brutally original feat.